Today is one of those days where I have been consumed by the thoughts of friendship. I've thought about friends I've lost due to growing up, for petty reasons, friends I've lost and don't even know why, and friendships I've lost due to death. For some reason I've been very emotional about this today and I'm not exactly sure why.
When I was a freshman in high school I was lucky enough to be on the Shaun-dels (dance team). There were only two freshman girls and the rest were all older than us. At first I was really scared, but soon enough I became close with all these girls. Sadly, they grew up and moved on from high school. I can still remember get so excited to see them when they would come back to visit, yet it never seemed the same. We still got along fine but something was missing. I never could figure out what it was, until I was in their shoes. Once you are out of high school, the carefree immature things you once did, just don't strike you the same way. I now understand that it wasn't a lost friendship it was just a changing friendship. We were in two different places in our lives. I think this happens quite often, many times you could be friends with someone but with the places you are in your life, it just doesn't mesh well. I need to be better at understanding this concept. Sometimes I feel sad because I think a friend is upset with me, when in fact we are just not in the same place in our lives.
Growing up is such a tough thing to do, and when you are in high school you feel as if you know it all and are already grown up. Isn't it funny that when looking back you wish you would have realized you were still a kid and that you wouldn't have spent all your focus on being a grown up and just enjoyed the time you had? I do. High school is filled with so many friendships one minute you are best friends and the next it has fizzled out. I can think back on a handful of friendships that were let go in my life due to petty reasons. Mrs. Twiss (one of my real life heroes) always told me that people come into your life to teach you something and that they leave once you have learned what it was you needed to learn.Many times I have thought back to this quote. How right she is, I have lost friends but in the end they have each taught me something. I'm grateful for the memories that I have with these people, they are times I can look back on and smile.
I've had a few friends that we are no longer friends, and to tell you the honest truth I have no idea why. We could see each other in a store, and that other person will act as if they have no idea who I am. That can really hurt. I know that I must have done something wrong, and I wish I knew what that was. I hope that one day I will be able to tell these people I'm sorry, but until then I have realized I cannot dwell on all that negativity. It will end up just getting you down, and that is no way to live.
Death, a five letter word nobody likes to hear. I have lost to very special friends this way. These were my first real encounters with death that I can actually remember and know the feeling of emptiness. Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin once stated, "There are days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again." He also goes on to say that we will all have days where we feel this way, but there will come a time in the darkness of our sorrow that there will be happiness in our sorrow. It is so tough when you lose someone so close to you, Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley once said, "it is a devastating, consuming thing to lose someone you love. It gnaws at your soul." I firmly believe this. There were times after the loss of my friends that I questioned everything in my life. I think many experience that in a time of loss. I still miss those friends very dearly, not a day goes by that something doesn't happen to remind me of them. However, I can now smile when I am reminded of them. I take joy in the fact that I was able to know such sweet souls, and that one day I will get to see them again.
Isn't it funny that before you graduate high school you and your closest friends vow to each other that you will never grow apart the way others do? I've had a few of those friendships happen to me. No matter how hard we try to stay close, life pulls us in all sorts of directions. It's not because you want it to be that way, it just is. Friendship is something that is very dear to my heart. I am so thankful that I have friends today that I can lean on in my times of doubt, need, or despair. Those friends can live a thousand miles away and still are able to make me feel so much better. These are the types of friends you need to hang on to, these are the people that will be there for you no matter what. I have many friends who have left footprints on my heart and have helped mold and shape me into the person I am today. It doesn't matter the number of friends you have, what matters is the quality of friends you have. I can definitely say that I choose quality over quantity.
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